• north sea scrolls The North Sea Scrolls (CD, £9.50)

    label: fantastic plastic

    THE North Sea Scrolls have long been a bone of contention amongst historians, theologians and people shouting at bins in car parks. The Scrolls are believed, in certain quarters, to record a parallel, semi-hidden history of these islands. Now, a triumvirate of unlikely questers has at last pinned down the full story of these legendary documents. They are; Luke Haines, Cathal Coughlan, and Andrew Mueller. This dauntless trio are now ready to share the terrible knowledge they have disinterred. In song. The parchments reached the hands of messrs Haines, Coughlan and Mueller by means which need not trouble us, and have been meticulously distilled and tactfully rewritten into thirteen new songs by Mr Haines and Mr Coughlan, to be performed on guitar and piano, and accompanied by the cello stylings of Audrey Riley. The songs will be linked by explanatory footnotes read by Mr Mueller. The truths contained in the scrolls are at once profoundly disturbing and peculiarly reassuring. Certainly, they answer many long-pressing questions. How did a Dublin criminal overlord become an imperial viceroy? Is England really just two counties Northshire and Southshire? Could it be that the guttering violence of Northern Ireland is caused by terrorist tribute acts from Australia? Who is Tony Allen? How did Tim Hardin end up commanding a nationalist militia in Cornwall? Can it be true that Morris Men, far from the prancing buffoons of popular repute, are murderous vigilantes a Cotswoldian thugee cult? How in the name of the Seven Christs did Enoch Powell end up joining Gong. Was Chris Evans really burnt at the stake? If not, why not? Is Jim Corr actually right about everything? Headphones on. Trip. The. Fuck. Out. Brothers and sisters, it's the Scrolls, and the Scrolls have the answer. Listen...they speak Luke Haines has recorded loads of albums over the last twenty years. Cathal Coughlan has recorded loads of albums over the last twenty years. Andrew Mueller has written loads of words over the last twenty years. TRACKLISTING: CD1:1)Preamble Intro 2) Broadmoor Blues Delta 3) Mr Cynthia 4) I'm Not The Man You Think I Am Karen, I'm The Actor Tony Allen 5) Witches In The Water 6) I Am Falconetti 7) The Papal Pagan 8)Ayatollah Cornelius 9)The Morris Man Cometh 10)Tim Hardin MP 11)Enoch Powell - Space Poet 12)The Australian IRA Show 13)My Mother My Dead Mother 14)Narration - (outro) 15) Anthem Of The Scrolls CD2:1)Preamble intro 2)Scroll 1 3)Broadmoor Blues Delta 4)Scroll 2 5)Mr Cynthia 6)Scroll 3 7)I'm Not The Man You Think I Am Karen, I'm The Actor Tony Allen 8)Scroll 4 9)Witches In The Water 10)Scroll 5 11)The Papal Pagan 12)Scroll 6 13)Ayatollah Cornelius 14)Scroll 7 15)I Am Falconetti 16)Scroll 8 17)The Morris Man Cometh 18)Scroll 9 19)Tim Hardin MP 20)Scroll 10 21)Enoch Powell Space Poet 22)Scroll 11 23)The Australian IRA Show 24)Scroll 12 25)My Mother My Dead Mother 26)Scroll 13/outro 27)Anthem Of The Scrolls

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